Out of the Darkness

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend a parent forum on Teenage Depression & Suicide Awareness. It was beyond informative. Actually, not just in the teenage aspect of it. They had numerous vendors set up out side of the auditorium for about 30 minutes prior to the start of the forum. I was able to get LOTS of good reading material, for all things. Drug & Alcohol abuse in teens etc. I was also able to speak to a few different mental health agencies about Colin, and care for his future. Colin by all means has a mental illness. Not just Aspergers, or ADHD, Colin has anxiety. Anxiety is partially stemmed from Depression. When someone asks me to explain Colin’s mood, I say depressed. It’s the best way to describe him most of the time. Depression is a mental illness. Mental illness is a disease of the Brain. Much like diabetes being a disease of your blood.

On the Panel of those speaking to us were, A couple, the parents of a teenage child who completed suicide just under 2 years ago. There was also Eric Weaver, who was representing the foundation of suicide prevention, and someone representing the office of mental health in WNY. It was quite interesting, listening to each person tell their stories. The parents of course quite interesting. They obviously had no inclination that their son was suicidal, or depressed. It was brought up that we all go about talking to our children about all the important talks in life. Drugs, alcohol, sex, teen pregnancy, bullying etc etc, but we never touch on the subject of depression. Which is odd, since it’s *usually* depression which drives our loved ones towards these other bad behaviors to begin with. Joe, who was the child of Phil & Linda, was 17, a middle child & a successful student at Williamsville North High school. No one had any idea that he was depressed, had they known just a little bit of information, this may have been prevented. He would have been directed to help. He left an older brother, younger brother and his parents behind with nothing, not even a note. They shared their story so we would understand that sometimes it’s not obvious.

Eric Weaver speaking was the one who I enjoyed the absolute most. He threw facts/figures at us that blew my mind. He was just amazing. He started off by telling us that Mental Illness is NOTHING to be ashamed about. He has 4 diagnosable mental illnesses. He has Bipolar disorder, Depression, Anxiety with OCD, and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) He’s been hospitalized 7 times from 1996 through 2008. He’s on medication, in therapy and always will be. He also has a teenage daughter who has depression as well as borderline personality disorder. This stuff is not new to him, not as a person, a professional or a Dad. He couldn’t stress enough how no one should be ashamed of any mental illness. It’s not something we triggered. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain.

I bring this up, because as we all know, I suffered from PPD after Caden’s birth. (And Colin 2 years later) Was I ashamed? YES! Did I want anyone to know what was wrong with me? NO! That is of course, once I figured it out. Well, Mike figured it out actually. 7 years ago, I would never have told anyone that I suffer from anxiety. After going through what I did, I am MORE then willing to tell others that I suffer from a mental illness. IN actuality, 3 people, out of the 5 in our home, suffer from Anxiety, and are all treated with meds, some with therapy. I have no problem calling my doctor up and saying I have panic attacks, what can I do? Or my medicine isn’t working anymore, can we tweak the dosages? I know what works for me, and am not afraid to ask for it. I know too, what coping tools that I’ve learned over the years will help me get through whatever is bringing me down at that moment. We live in a very stressful house in general. We have 2 special needs children, who require A LOT of attention. We have a teenage daughter who is involved into lots of school activates/sports, on top of just being a teenager. School is always a struggle as well. Not to mention, she has these 2 brothers who require most of mom & dad’s time, and I am SURE that is not an easy thing to deal with. We have a mom who is working full time, and a dad who is currently laid off, creating obvious financial hardships. Add in doctors’ appointments, religious and other actives and meetings and our days are filled typically until pretty late in the evening, with out a second to stop and breathe and enjoy what life has given us. I hope that someday I can look at Colin and not see the sad look in his eyes. To say that he’s not depressed any longer. I think as he gets older, and can better understand what is going on with his body, he too can figure out the coping skills that he needs to overcome this. I know he will, it just takes time. He is so delayed developmentally right now, that understanding why he feels the way he does, is not something that we can work with him on right now. I hope one day when Courtney feels like she isn’t happy, or may be depressed that she knows she can come to us and talk to us. I am not afraid to tell others that I am medication. She knows I take meds and for what I take them for. I hope having this open relationship with her now; will help her to trust us, or another adult in the future.

So now, I’d like to share with you some facts/figures that that I learned last night. Depression and Suicide are real illnesses, which NEED to be addressed.

*Did you know that every 15 minutes a person completes suicide?

*Did you know that every minute (yes that is 1 minute), a suicide attempt is made?

*1 out of every 20 people has or has had suicide thoughts.

*1 out of every 5 people has a diagnosed mental illness. Think about that one for a second. Look around you right now. Think of where you live, or where you work. Look at my family! I have 3 of 5 people with a diagnosed mental illness. As you stand in line at the bank with 5 tellers and 4 people in line with you. 2 of the 10 of you have a diagnosed mental illness.

*Some other signs of depression that you may not think about? Constant complaining of headache/stomachache (Colin always talks about headaches)

*Did you know Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 19-24 year olds, and it is the 2nd leading Cause of death in 15-19 year olds?

*Depression is NOT the leading indicator for suicide. The highest indicators are hopelessness & helplessness. Listen for these cues in your children.

I realize this post might not be proper to be putting on our family blog. Nor is it a subject that most adults or families like to speak about. We are a very open family. We talk willingly and openly to Courtney about a variety of things. I posted this more as a reference and to let others know, you’re not alone. And DO NOT be ashamed if you too are or have suffered.