All Changes Happen for a reason

I am a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. I firmly believe that I suffered so severely from PPD after Caden's birth so that I would able to handle the trails we were to face from his disabilities. I firmly believe that Colin was conceived when he was, because Caden needed him to learn from. And most recently I firmly believe that Mike was put to nights and forced to find a better job for many many reasons.

So starting there, it's been a long 10 or so days. I haven't posted because neither I nor Mike were in the correct frame of mind to post anything. Last Wednesday Mike was told that he "most likely" would be getting moved to the night shift, mind you nights in Mike's company is actually afternoons/evenings. He leaves around 12:30pm and comes back home at 12:30am. What kind of life is that when you have a family? So we sit and wait for word. 2 days later, we get the news. Nights as of this week. But not just ALL nights, no, they split his shift, which is not much better. 2 days a week he works early morning/afternoon. One day a week he is home by 7:30am, then from Thursday until Sat he is on the nights (figures) so he isn't home AT ALL from Thursday until Sunday basically. AND the only reason is home on Sunday, is so can adjust his sleep schedule to go back to the morning shift. What Asses these people are. We did know that the contact his company was carrying from the post office was up as of July 1 anyway, so we knew changes were to be coming, however they also knew that by moving Mike to this shift that they were not only screwing him momentarily, but in the long run as well. Since usually whoever bids the contracts and gets it, typically takes the driver of said run. meaning mike would have dumb hours well forever. Ugh. Not only did this effect Mike, but our entire family. We have no babysitter, and I have been having to take off 1/2 days to cover Mike's shift. My dad has been helping out as well in the mornings when we need him as well. Caden and Colin have NO idea why daddy who puts them to bed every night is gone?? So after the stress of all of that we talked and decided that Mike would look into possibly returning to his previous job at Quikrete. With that comes a pay cut and most likely a lay off during the winter, but at this point, we needed to do what is best for our family. Money does NOT make a family, does NOT run our lives and as much as it's needed to pay the bills and keep our home, it is NOT my priority. My family is and always will come first. So although we will need to find a new babysitter, revamp our bill paying skills and cut ends whenever possible, this change is for the best and happened for a reason. Mike will now have a "normal" job, be home every night, every holiday for the first time in 5 years AND every weekend! Some people take for granted these things, we don't. For the past 5 years we have always had to work around the job, for once, we wont' have to! AND he even got approved for our vacation in October! How awesome is that???!! Without pay of course, but who gives a hoot, we get time off together!

So needless to say, these days have been beyond stressful for Mike and I. Mike was not eating or sleeping well and I caught myself slipping alot into places I do not ever want to be again. This has been extremely hard for me because of past history. As many of you know I suffered from PPD after Caden's birth. During that time, Mike was also working nights. As soon as Mike told me last week that he was going back to nights, the first thought that came to my mind? PPD - not that I am suffering from such a thing, but it resurfaced all of those old memories and I doubted myself alot. I was getting panic attacks just thinking about Mike leaving. That was the darkest scariest time of my life and unless you have been there and lived "it" you can never fully appreciate the life you have coming out of it. You NEVER want to think those thoughts or feel those feelings ever again. This change in hours brought back ALL of that. I am SO SO thankful for the many many friends I have found , who have suffered right along side of me and who understand. they know when I am slipping, they know the right things to do, the right things to say, and even pick up the phone and call me long distance to make sure I am all right. How do you EVER repay someone for that?? I emailed 2 of my closest friends early this week my exact feelings, that I didn't think I could do this, for 3 days they talked me out of that dark place. They are truly angels who came to me for a reason. PPD happened to US so we could stand by one another through all of this. Oddly enough, all 3 of us have children with special needs. That bond will never be broken ever.

We were lucky enough to find out yesterday before Mike left for work in the afternoon, that he would be able to return back to quikrete, knowing that will make these next days of "nights" bearable for me. And for Mike. Mike is a much happier, less stressed person since getting that phone call, and I am very Glad to have my Mike back! I missed him!

So although I am forced to take 1/2 days off of work until we find childcare and will be having to cover even more shifts once Mike starts back to quikrete, it is all worth it in the end and as I said before - Everything happens for a reason.