Times change us

I was sitting here just thinking about this great group of "friends" that I have. Then I started thinking about where they came from. Caden. Really it was Caden who has formed me into what I am right this very second. Caden and all of his disabilities-and all of his quirks. It took me a long time to understand that I am NOT the reason he is the way he is. I remember asking or thinking if I did something wrong, or if my being sick and not "emotionally" bonded is why he is who he is. It's not. But it's easier to blame then face.

After Caden was born, I suffered very severe postpartum depression. Everyone by now knows this. I was out of work because of this for 5 months. Looking back now, this prepared me for our (Caden's) future. If it wasn't for Caden's birth and my subsequent PPD, I wouldn't have the TONS of great Friends that I have today. The have seem me when I was at my lowest and brought me back up the top, all with out judging. Funny too, because Most of my friends that knew me before my PPD, really aren't Friends anymore (I say most because I DO still have 1 or 2 who I love dearly and WILL always be my friends for life)Funny how people change when you get sick. More importantly is how you learn what real friendship is. I bonded with these people over a computer-an oline support group. They had NO idea what I looked like, or what I did. What my family was like or my thoughts. BUT they cared about ME. and they still DO! They are still such an inspiration to me. It's so amazing the way we can get tied to such wonderful people. I never would have met such amazing women had it not been for Caden. Had it not been for my PPD. I had the pleasure of having one of them fly across the country (from CA to NY) with her family to meet ME, and spend their family vacation, on vacation with MY family. What kind of friendship is better then that?? Especially when before that, you never met face to face? Everything happens for a reason.

My PPD has helped me to deal with so many different situations over time, most recently of course, back to Caden. Again stemming from Caden's disabilities, I've made EVEN more friends. Friends that I've become very close with and others that have been a part of our family, through Caden, that will always be in our families contacts & hearts. These are all people that I didn't pick myself. They were handed to me in both instances and I took it and ran. I couldn't have asked for a better intervention.

Over the past 3 years, we've been though severe PPD, mild PPD, 2 C-Sections (obviously) Kym's back surgery (all while nursing a newborn mind you), Mike's Eye surgery's & Both Caden & Colin's surgery's. Both of us have been out of work multiple times for long periods of time for medical reasons. Mike's heart problems and subsequent hospital stay leading up to anxiety (wonder why huh?) we've been though financial hardship and overcome them (who hasn't??) and even more importantly Caden's autism. I've delt with the very unexpected death of one of my lifelong best friends, as well as the horrid diagnosis of Les's cancer last Janurary and fast progress leading to his passing this past June, just one day shy of his marriage to my mom. It's alot for any family to go though. We have - in a short period of time. I won't say it was smooth, nor is it now. there's been yelling and fighting, tears and sorrow, but that all just makes us stronger and better able to handle what comes our way.

I wonder if 4 years ago this would have been as normal to us as it is now?I think not.

Time changes us.