What an amazing first day/week of spring we're having. On Saturday it was 78 degrees outside!! Yesterday was 71, today is around 74, and tomorrow?? Close, if not AT 80!! It's so sur-real to see/feel. I feel like I am on vacation in Florida, but working. It was 78 outside in WINTER, in MARCH! :-) it won't last, I know, but that's ok, I'll take what i can get anyway. This coming weekend, will be back in the 40's, but I am ok with that too. We've got our garage set up for summer already, which means that we'll have Less to do when the real warm weather that will stay rolls around in a month or so. I'll take it!!
In other news - We had a med check appt for Colin this morning. We were able to keep him at his same dosages, which is what we wanted, for the next 3 months. We go back on June 12th. We also discussed the major changes we've seen in Colin, AND I was asked the question to compare what life was like before and after meds. Obviously no parent wants to medicate their child at 4 years old. We knew years ago though, that this would be the path we'd follow with Colin, and had come to accept that by this time. The differences are not something that can even be written, or explained so outsiders can understand. I get goosebumps thinking about what life was like before & now. I told him that our home was "ran" by the mood Colin woke up in. And that wasn't usually a good one. Rules were made by Colin. If they weren't we would not have gotten through a day. When I said that, he told me it reminded him of a book, that was recommended to him, that opened his eyes . House Rules by Jodi Picoult. A story about a teenage boy with Aspergers. He said everything I had just said about Colin, reminded him of this story. I feel like this gives me a sense of relief so to speak. When both Caden and Colin were diagnosed with Aspergers, you deal with alot of opinions from outside sources/people. Some family, some friends, some you don't know. do you believe what that doctor said? Why don't you get a 2nd opinion? are you SURE something is wrong, I think they are fine. So I guess I feel like a DOCTOR telling me that my story reminds him a story he read on a child with aspergers, that he is just verifying what we have already come to accept. He also that everything he knows obviously about children on the specturm, is clinical, (beyond the children he's worked with obviously) and what's he's learned through the years. Sometimes it takes reading a book to understand any part of the autism specturm, and to see how it affects these kiddos. He said it opened his eyes to really understand more. Lots of people have no idea even what ASD is.
Maybe others are in denial, or just don't or won't accept what is. So anyway - I WILL be downloading this book to my kindle tonight, and I hope everyone else reads it as well!!
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Today I got a Kiss
I know most of this means nothing to lots of people, but to me, it means the world. Each time I think of him walking up to me and kissing me with those tiny little lips of his, I feel like I want to cry. All by himself. I didn't say "Colin, come give me a hug and Kiss". I was just sitting there, waiting for his bus, and he walked up to me, and kissed me on the lips, I then gave him a hug and said Thank you Colin, that was so nice. he stood there then in my arms, for about 3 mintues while he watched TV. I rested my head on his ear and felt his rough curls on my cheek. His ear was cold. It was the best thing ever. I am loving each and every second of this journey so very much, and each time he opens up just a tiny bit more, makes this long hard journey worth every single second.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I got a hug!
For those who don't know Colin the way we know Colin, or before Meds, the best way to explain him is....being kept to himself I guess. He's never been one to be lovable or cuddly. If he gets hurt, he doesn't want you to comfort him or kiss the pain away, in fact he'll get extremely angry if you do. If he is sad, he won't come to you for some loving to help him feel better. It's just all part of who he is, and always has been. Even as a baby, the only time he wanted to be cuddled was when he was nursing, when he was done, he would be just that - done. Get me off your lap and let me go now. We actually Looked forward to the times that he was sick, since he would sit on our lap and not move. It was the only time that would happen. I know I've posted alot about Colin lately, but I can't help but to share all the changes that I am seeing in him since he's began his meds. The double dose of them to be specific.
The best way to explain it and this is what I keep saying, Is that I am finally being let in, and learning to know who Colin "is" after 4 years of NOT really knowing him all. I feel like this little person in front of me now, is exactly what he's meant to be all these years, but couldn't and didn't know how to do so. Thankfully with intervention, he is able to be. It's kind of like adopting a child in toddler-hood, and trying to figure them out. It's wonderful, amazing, scary (since your still treading lightly) and exhilarating all at the same time. He is so willing to love. So open to hugs. So excited to tell you things, and learning and loving how to show his feelings. He tells us when he is sad or upset. If he gets a boo, boo, he'll show it to you (you still can't touch it) He thrives when we give him all the positive feedback that we possibly can (before, he would yell back at you and say NO, and put down positive feedback) We even took him to church on Sunday for mass and he was wonderful!! (as wonderful as a 4 year old, who is developmentally younger is expected to be) I was so proud of him, I just kept telling him all day long! Caden too was good, it was so awesome to sit in church as a family, in one pew the ENTIRE mass. We've N.E.V.E.R done that before.
Yesterday - I came home from work, took of my coat, hung up my purse, and Colin came up to me and gave me a hug. I looked at Mike, and I know he knew what I was thinking. There is NO better feeling in the world. This is the first time, Colin has ever came up, willingly and hugged me, without any prompts, or reasons behind it. What a feeling. I love that he tells me numerous times while I am laying with him before bedtime that he loves me. I know he means it too, he's not just saying that because it's what he "should" say.
A friend of mine (Scott Buchanan) said it best on facebook last night. he said congrats,that window is opening. And it is! Colin is finally after 4.5 years of being behind it, finally opening the window and letting us into this world. Teaching us, who he really is. I am loving learning all about him.
The best way to explain it and this is what I keep saying, Is that I am finally being let in, and learning to know who Colin "is" after 4 years of NOT really knowing him all. I feel like this little person in front of me now, is exactly what he's meant to be all these years, but couldn't and didn't know how to do so. Thankfully with intervention, he is able to be. It's kind of like adopting a child in toddler-hood, and trying to figure them out. It's wonderful, amazing, scary (since your still treading lightly) and exhilarating all at the same time. He is so willing to love. So open to hugs. So excited to tell you things, and learning and loving how to show his feelings. He tells us when he is sad or upset. If he gets a boo, boo, he'll show it to you (you still can't touch it) He thrives when we give him all the positive feedback that we possibly can (before, he would yell back at you and say NO, and put down positive feedback) We even took him to church on Sunday for mass and he was wonderful!! (as wonderful as a 4 year old, who is developmentally younger is expected to be) I was so proud of him, I just kept telling him all day long! Caden too was good, it was so awesome to sit in church as a family, in one pew the ENTIRE mass. We've N.E.V.E.R done that before.
Yesterday - I came home from work, took of my coat, hung up my purse, and Colin came up to me and gave me a hug. I looked at Mike, and I know he knew what I was thinking. There is NO better feeling in the world. This is the first time, Colin has ever came up, willingly and hugged me, without any prompts, or reasons behind it. What a feeling. I love that he tells me numerous times while I am laying with him before bedtime that he loves me. I know he means it too, he's not just saying that because it's what he "should" say.
A friend of mine (Scott Buchanan) said it best on facebook last night. he said congrats,that window is opening. And it is! Colin is finally after 4.5 years of being behind it, finally opening the window and letting us into this world. Teaching us, who he really is. I am loving learning all about him.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Out of the Darkness
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend a parent forum on Teenage Depression & Suicide Awareness. It was beyond informative. Actually, not just in the teenage aspect of it. They had numerous vendors set up out side of the auditorium for about 30 minutes prior to the start of the forum. I was able to get LOTS of good reading material, for all things. Drug & Alcohol abuse in teens etc. I was also able to speak to a few different mental health agencies about Colin, and care for his future. Colin by all means has a mental illness. Not just Aspergers, or ADHD, Colin has anxiety. Anxiety is partially stemmed from Depression. When someone asks me to explain Colin’s mood, I say depressed. It’s the best way to describe him most of the time. Depression is a mental illness. Mental illness is a disease of the Brain. Much like diabetes being a disease of your blood.
On the Panel of those speaking to us were, A couple, the parents of a teenage child who completed suicide just under 2 years ago. There was also Eric Weaver, who was representing the foundation of suicide prevention, and someone representing the office of mental health in WNY. It was quite interesting, listening to each person tell their stories. The parents of course quite interesting. They obviously had no inclination that their son was suicidal, or depressed. It was brought up that we all go about talking to our children about all the important talks in life. Drugs, alcohol, sex, teen pregnancy, bullying etc etc, but we never touch on the subject of depression. Which is odd, since it’s *usually* depression which drives our loved ones towards these other bad behaviors to begin with. Joe, who was the child of Phil & Linda, was 17, a middle child & a successful student at Williamsville North High school. No one had any idea that he was depressed, had they known just a little bit of information, this may have been prevented. He would have been directed to help. He left an older brother, younger brother and his parents behind with nothing, not even a note. They shared their story so we would understand that sometimes it’s not obvious.
Eric Weaver speaking was the one who I enjoyed the absolute most. He threw facts/figures at us that blew my mind. He was just amazing. He started off by telling us that Mental Illness is NOTHING to be ashamed about. He has 4 diagnosable mental illnesses. He has Bipolar disorder, Depression, Anxiety with OCD, and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) He’s been hospitalized 7 times from 1996 through 2008. He’s on medication, in therapy and always will be. He also has a teenage daughter who has depression as well as borderline personality disorder. This stuff is not new to him, not as a person, a professional or a Dad. He couldn’t stress enough how no one should be ashamed of any mental illness. It’s not something we triggered. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain.
I bring this up, because as we all know, I suffered from PPD after Caden’s birth. (And Colin 2 years later) Was I ashamed? YES! Did I want anyone to know what was wrong with me? NO! That is of course, once I figured it out. Well, Mike figured it out actually. 7 years ago, I would never have told anyone that I suffer from anxiety. After going through what I did, I am MORE then willing to tell others that I suffer from a mental illness. IN actuality, 3 people, out of the 5 in our home, suffer from Anxiety, and are all treated with meds, some with therapy. I have no problem calling my doctor up and saying I have panic attacks, what can I do? Or my medicine isn’t working anymore, can we tweak the dosages? I know what works for me, and am not afraid to ask for it. I know too, what coping tools that I’ve learned over the years will help me get through whatever is bringing me down at that moment. We live in a very stressful house in general. We have 2 special needs children, who require A LOT of attention. We have a teenage daughter who is involved into lots of school activates/sports, on top of just being a teenager. School is always a struggle as well. Not to mention, she has these 2 brothers who require most of mom & dad’s time, and I am SURE that is not an easy thing to deal with. We have a mom who is working full time, and a dad who is currently laid off, creating obvious financial hardships. Add in doctors’ appointments, religious and other actives and meetings and our days are filled typically until pretty late in the evening, with out a second to stop and breathe and enjoy what life has given us. I hope that someday I can look at Colin and not see the sad look in his eyes. To say that he’s not depressed any longer. I think as he gets older, and can better understand what is going on with his body, he too can figure out the coping skills that he needs to overcome this. I know he will, it just takes time. He is so delayed developmentally right now, that understanding why he feels the way he does, is not something that we can work with him on right now. I hope one day when Courtney feels like she isn’t happy, or may be depressed that she knows she can come to us and talk to us. I am not afraid to tell others that I am medication. She knows I take meds and for what I take them for. I hope having this open relationship with her now; will help her to trust us, or another adult in the future.
So now, I’d like to share with you some facts/figures that that I learned last night. Depression and Suicide are real illnesses, which NEED to be addressed.
*Did you know that every 15 minutes a person completes suicide?
*Did you know that every minute (yes that is 1 minute), a suicide attempt is made?
*1 out of every 20 people has or has had suicide thoughts.
*1 out of every 5 people has a diagnosed mental illness. Think about that one for a second. Look around you right now. Think of where you live, or where you work. Look at my family! I have 3 of 5 people with a diagnosed mental illness. As you stand in line at the bank with 5 tellers and 4 people in line with you. 2 of the 10 of you have a diagnosed mental illness.
*Some other signs of depression that you may not think about? Constant complaining of headache/stomachache (Colin always talks about headaches)
*Did you know Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 19-24 year olds, and it is the 2nd leading Cause of death in 15-19 year olds?
*Depression is NOT the leading indicator for suicide. The highest indicators are hopelessness & helplessness. Listen for these cues in your children.
I realize this post might not be proper to be putting on our family blog. Nor is it a subject that most adults or families like to speak about. We are a very open family. We talk willingly and openly to Courtney about a variety of things. I posted this more as a reference and to let others know, you’re not alone. And DO NOT be ashamed if you too are or have suffered.
On the Panel of those speaking to us were, A couple, the parents of a teenage child who completed suicide just under 2 years ago. There was also Eric Weaver, who was representing the foundation of suicide prevention, and someone representing the office of mental health in WNY. It was quite interesting, listening to each person tell their stories. The parents of course quite interesting. They obviously had no inclination that their son was suicidal, or depressed. It was brought up that we all go about talking to our children about all the important talks in life. Drugs, alcohol, sex, teen pregnancy, bullying etc etc, but we never touch on the subject of depression. Which is odd, since it’s *usually* depression which drives our loved ones towards these other bad behaviors to begin with. Joe, who was the child of Phil & Linda, was 17, a middle child & a successful student at Williamsville North High school. No one had any idea that he was depressed, had they known just a little bit of information, this may have been prevented. He would have been directed to help. He left an older brother, younger brother and his parents behind with nothing, not even a note. They shared their story so we would understand that sometimes it’s not obvious.
Eric Weaver speaking was the one who I enjoyed the absolute most. He threw facts/figures at us that blew my mind. He was just amazing. He started off by telling us that Mental Illness is NOTHING to be ashamed about. He has 4 diagnosable mental illnesses. He has Bipolar disorder, Depression, Anxiety with OCD, and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) He’s been hospitalized 7 times from 1996 through 2008. He’s on medication, in therapy and always will be. He also has a teenage daughter who has depression as well as borderline personality disorder. This stuff is not new to him, not as a person, a professional or a Dad. He couldn’t stress enough how no one should be ashamed of any mental illness. It’s not something we triggered. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain.
I bring this up, because as we all know, I suffered from PPD after Caden’s birth. (And Colin 2 years later) Was I ashamed? YES! Did I want anyone to know what was wrong with me? NO! That is of course, once I figured it out. Well, Mike figured it out actually. 7 years ago, I would never have told anyone that I suffer from anxiety. After going through what I did, I am MORE then willing to tell others that I suffer from a mental illness. IN actuality, 3 people, out of the 5 in our home, suffer from Anxiety, and are all treated with meds, some with therapy. I have no problem calling my doctor up and saying I have panic attacks, what can I do? Or my medicine isn’t working anymore, can we tweak the dosages? I know what works for me, and am not afraid to ask for it. I know too, what coping tools that I’ve learned over the years will help me get through whatever is bringing me down at that moment. We live in a very stressful house in general. We have 2 special needs children, who require A LOT of attention. We have a teenage daughter who is involved into lots of school activates/sports, on top of just being a teenager. School is always a struggle as well. Not to mention, she has these 2 brothers who require most of mom & dad’s time, and I am SURE that is not an easy thing to deal with. We have a mom who is working full time, and a dad who is currently laid off, creating obvious financial hardships. Add in doctors’ appointments, religious and other actives and meetings and our days are filled typically until pretty late in the evening, with out a second to stop and breathe and enjoy what life has given us. I hope that someday I can look at Colin and not see the sad look in his eyes. To say that he’s not depressed any longer. I think as he gets older, and can better understand what is going on with his body, he too can figure out the coping skills that he needs to overcome this. I know he will, it just takes time. He is so delayed developmentally right now, that understanding why he feels the way he does, is not something that we can work with him on right now. I hope one day when Courtney feels like she isn’t happy, or may be depressed that she knows she can come to us and talk to us. I am not afraid to tell others that I am medication. She knows I take meds and for what I take them for. I hope having this open relationship with her now; will help her to trust us, or another adult in the future.
So now, I’d like to share with you some facts/figures that that I learned last night. Depression and Suicide are real illnesses, which NEED to be addressed.
*Did you know that every 15 minutes a person completes suicide?
*Did you know that every minute (yes that is 1 minute), a suicide attempt is made?
*1 out of every 20 people has or has had suicide thoughts.
*1 out of every 5 people has a diagnosed mental illness. Think about that one for a second. Look around you right now. Think of where you live, or where you work. Look at my family! I have 3 of 5 people with a diagnosed mental illness. As you stand in line at the bank with 5 tellers and 4 people in line with you. 2 of the 10 of you have a diagnosed mental illness.
*Some other signs of depression that you may not think about? Constant complaining of headache/stomachache (Colin always talks about headaches)
*Did you know Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 19-24 year olds, and it is the 2nd leading Cause of death in 15-19 year olds?
*Depression is NOT the leading indicator for suicide. The highest indicators are hopelessness & helplessness. Listen for these cues in your children.
I realize this post might not be proper to be putting on our family blog. Nor is it a subject that most adults or families like to speak about. We are a very open family. We talk willingly and openly to Courtney about a variety of things. I posted this more as a reference and to let others know, you’re not alone. And DO NOT be ashamed if you too are or have suffered.
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