Playing with Play dough & Moon Sand

We got some homemade play dough from Caden's open school the other night- 1 for each kid (we got the recipe too!) So we thought we'd play this morning. I can't stand real play dough and NEVER buy it, but this stuff is so soft and easy to work with and it's all natural! It doesn't dry out and have little piece fall apart everywhere and when it gets old.. just make more! We also opened caden's moon sand for him to play with- that was very.... sandy.

Watching the Deer

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Caden and Colin watching the deer in the backyard from caden's window. We have a whole family who visits daily. Besides- I am sure they really enjoy the leftovers we feed them.

Open House Update

So Caden's open house last night was alot of fun. We got to meet all 3 of his teachers, Miss Liz, Ginger & Meghan. They just all love him to death - so they say! :-) He is adjusting really well to the school program, which we've noticed as well and just love his school so much. Everyone is so friendly. We also got to meet Grace- his new OT and Jan- his new Speech therapist, who seems to very very helpful and loves gathering info on our family to use during therapy. She was very excited when we told her that incorporating signing into the routine is what works best for him, so she signs with him as well now- which we encourage at all times anyway. He communicates and picks up signing so well. She is also going to contact Caden's old speech therapist, Valerie to gather info & discuss prior progress- I think it's great that she is reaching out to us and our contacts to do the best for Caden! So we were able to have dinner and talk about the programs that Caden is working on. We got to see the Caden size "monster" that he made yesterday, which is did a great job on! we learned that he is in a class of 4 (until more get added as needed) so the one on one attention is just what he needs right now.

the school does some great things to help parents deal with the children's' disabilities as well, which I am SO SO thrilled about! there is a parent group that will be forming for 3 months, one time a week for both of us for 2 hours. They provide free child care for all 3 kids and serve us all dinner as well. The group really focus's on support for us, as the parents, since most of the time we feel so alone in this battle. Unless you have a child with a disability, you just don't "get it". People can say all they want that they understand- they don't, unless you've been there, you will NEVER get it. So I think this is going to be very beneficial for us. I am excited for this new group, as well as Caden's in home counseling to begin!!

Open School for Caden tonight!

Tonight is Caden's open school night for his center, we are so excited to go and take Courtney & Colin to visit as well. Were going to have dinner with his teachers and get to meet all the therapists that weren't there for our initial visit before he began. I am looking forward to it.

Caden's was pretty sick earlier this week. He had the flu shot on Friday and ended up with a touch of it on Monday. He lasted a whole 15 minute's at school before they called me to come and pick him up. He had a temp of 103.6- by the time I had got to school to get him at 10:00 and had thrown up and was a lump in his teachers arms. Poor Baby. By that evening and after 2 doses of meds, the fever broke and stayed away. He was able to go back to school yesterday.

Colin's been pretty testy lately as well. I hoping he's just cutting teeth. He is STILL not sleeping through the night, imagine that- someday I'll get sleep!! And he is STILL nursing too. Who would have thought over a year ago that I would manage to nurse him for his full first year, - let alone never be able to get him to stop!! I've been told as soon as he's emotionally ready.... I wonder when that will be? Soon??

Work for Kym is getting busier and busier. They are starting a new charter promotion for the holiday season- to possibly become permanent. We will be fielding all the charter calls for not only our WNY area- but the WHOLE northeast-including, MA, CT, RI, Long Island & others. I guess if it's a hit, and takes off, it's job security for me and the plus is I'll never be bored! We'll see how that pans out.

Our New President

I am putting this in here becasue it is significant. Since I use this not only as a blog, but as a scrapbook and journal as well, I thought it was importnatn that this be in here. I will admit that I wasn't thrilled with either canidate. Both had strong & weak points. Walking into voting I still wasn't tottally sure who I wanted to choose to run our country. I didn't vote for Obama- I ended up voting for McCain, and that was after flipping back and forth a couple times. But McCain was my first choice originally anyway- so I stuck with it. That's not to say I am dissapointed with the outcome of the election- It is what it is. Change is good. No matter what Canidate would have made it into office.

So Congrats to President Barak Obama & his family. I must admit, I love the thought of having young children in the white house.

VOTE TODAY!!

It's election day today, a BIG vote at that. Make sure you get out there and vote.. I was able to take Courtney and vote before work today. Although I did already vote, I am still not sure if I made the right choice or not. I am not tottally convinced that either canidate is better or could/can/will do better things then the other. Just my opinion. All I can do is hope that the choices I made today will be the right ones!

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE TODAY!

To step out for the day....

I wish I wish I wish.. I wish sometimes that I had a child without disabilities. I don't wish this all the time, but tonight sure was one of those nights. I just want to go to a store and have my child hold my hand. I want to be able to have my child ask me question, with WORDS. WORDS that make sense. Not SIGNS. Sure I know what he is saying and asking me at all times, I've learned to speak what he does. Still. I am sure every parent that has children with disabilities get into this slump I am in. I want to go out to dinner and not have him run crazy and have him sit and eat like normal people. Instead, it's insane, I don't get to enjoy my time at all, because I am so worried the whole time what is going to happen next. 2 times he tried to run into the kitchen. One time he ran into the waitress carrying an arm ful of plates. One time he threw his cup at the next table. One time he didn't want his ice so he dumped his cup all over the floor- this was all in a short amount of time. I won't get started on the tanturm in the car on the way there. This is about the time I grabbed the boys and sat in the car crying until everyone else was done eating dinner and ready to go home. Can't use a high chair, can't use a booster seat, those aren't normal to him. Wish means he's got free reign. It's not like he is defying us on purpose.. this is HIM, it's how his body tunes itself. It is not his age either.. I hate it when people say he is 3- he has been like this for almost 2 years now, is it still the age??? I think NOT. People stare, glare, talk... "look at that child over there" - I can only BEGIN to image what they say about me behind my back. I am so done right now. I wonder how much longer I can do this before I lose my mind. We think sometimes of taking another family cruise. OH MY GOD. Caden would jump off the darn ship. I am NOT just saying that... he really would. I can't stand when people are with Caden for an hour and say he is so good. Look at how great he is. YES, he is a good kid, BUT you are not with him all the time. YOU were very lucky to have had that good hour. It's like when I hear them say that, they are saying "what are you talking about he has problems?, we MUST be making this all up right?? Just because you can't see his disabilites every second, does not mean anything. I never expected this to be such a challange. Yes I know, I hear it all the time, god never gives us more then we can handle--- I wonder ALOT how much more does he THINK I CAN DO??? I want "normal" for one day. I want my son to come in my room and say "good morning mommy" 3 words that he could never say right now. To leave the house without wondering what is too happen at our next destiantion. to sleep through the night without having to wake up 3 times to "touch" his cheek and let him know he is not alone. Once, to go somewhere and not have to explain that I have an autistic child, this is why is acting like this.. please excuse us. I want my child to play with toys. Real TOYS. not the vacuum, not the flashlight. He thinks these are honest to god toys. He will use them all day long. vacuum every room a million times. Take apart the flashlight and put it back aagain. over and over and over. I want him to play with other KIDS. To not be afarid of them. To play beside them, not across the room. Walk up and give them a hug or a Hello! Honestly.... I just want him to not be "different" for one day.

I wonder Why? today I wonder Why even more... WHY WHY WHY?? Ugh.. WHY??????

Today I just can't take this. I am so glad it's time for bed, tomorrow is a new day. Maybe tomorrow I won't wake up crying.

Bills attire

Caden sporting his first official NFL wear! He looks too cute. I tired to get a picture with him standing, but i am lucky I can get a decent on at all sometime!

It's Halloween!!

Colin
Colin JUST waking from his nap to get ready- not a happy baby, mommy with her witch hat on.

We took the boys trick or treating last night, they had so much fun. Caden did AMAZING once we got the costume on him, mind you- that took about 3 of us to tag team him and do some very serious convincing that it was OK. IN the end they both did very very well and keep the costumes on. Courtney went out with a couple of her friends- you know she is at the age where she is way too cool to hang out with her parents & little brothers. We understand.

Meema & Courtney- 2 witches
Aunt Leah & Courtney
Uncle Shawn and Caden playing
Aunt Leah, Uncle Shawn, Meema tag teaming Caden to get his costume on.
Mommy & Colin the lion
Symba is dressed up too, noticed the ghosts?
Courtney as the spider witch
Caden the dragon
Colin the lion
Us with the boys
Trick or treating
Caden did this every 5th house or so..!
getting chased by Maria
roar!
The candy JUST from the boys alone, and really only Caden, since Colin did only about a handful of houses before retiring to the wagon.

Caden's check up

Caden had his 3 year old physical today.. He weighs 35.6 lbs (75th percentile) and is 40 inches tall (90th percentile) obvioulsy he is growing physically ok - still working on all the other problems though. All in all it was a good visit. He got his flu shot, and his Hep. A shot, and took them like a champ, no tears, just a quiet little -"ouch!" That's my strong little boy!!

Times change us

I was sitting here just thinking about this great group of "friends" that I have. Then I started thinking about where they came from. Caden. Really it was Caden who has formed me into what I am right this very second. Caden and all of his disabilities-and all of his quirks. It took me a long time to understand that I am NOT the reason he is the way he is. I remember asking or thinking if I did something wrong, or if my being sick and not "emotionally" bonded is why he is who he is. It's not. But it's easier to blame then face.

After Caden was born, I suffered very severe postpartum depression. Everyone by now knows this. I was out of work because of this for 5 months. Looking back now, this prepared me for our (Caden's) future. If it wasn't for Caden's birth and my subsequent PPD, I wouldn't have the TONS of great Friends that I have today. The have seem me when I was at my lowest and brought me back up the top, all with out judging. Funny too, because Most of my friends that knew me before my PPD, really aren't Friends anymore (I say most because I DO still have 1 or 2 who I love dearly and WILL always be my friends for life)Funny how people change when you get sick. More importantly is how you learn what real friendship is. I bonded with these people over a computer-an oline support group. They had NO idea what I looked like, or what I did. What my family was like or my thoughts. BUT they cared about ME. and they still DO! They are still such an inspiration to me. It's so amazing the way we can get tied to such wonderful people. I never would have met such amazing women had it not been for Caden. Had it not been for my PPD. I had the pleasure of having one of them fly across the country (from CA to NY) with her family to meet ME, and spend their family vacation, on vacation with MY family. What kind of friendship is better then that?? Especially when before that, you never met face to face? Everything happens for a reason.

My PPD has helped me to deal with so many different situations over time, most recently of course, back to Caden. Again stemming from Caden's disabilities, I've made EVEN more friends. Friends that I've become very close with and others that have been a part of our family, through Caden, that will always be in our families contacts & hearts. These are all people that I didn't pick myself. They were handed to me in both instances and I took it and ran. I couldn't have asked for a better intervention.

Over the past 3 years, we've been though severe PPD, mild PPD, 2 C-Sections (obviously) Kym's back surgery (all while nursing a newborn mind you), Mike's Eye surgery's & Both Caden & Colin's surgery's. Both of us have been out of work multiple times for long periods of time for medical reasons. Mike's heart problems and subsequent hospital stay leading up to anxiety (wonder why huh?) we've been though financial hardship and overcome them (who hasn't??) and even more importantly Caden's autism. I've delt with the very unexpected death of one of my lifelong best friends, as well as the horrid diagnosis of Les's cancer last Janurary and fast progress leading to his passing this past June, just one day shy of his marriage to my mom. It's alot for any family to go though. We have - in a short period of time. I won't say it was smooth, nor is it now. there's been yelling and fighting, tears and sorrow, but that all just makes us stronger and better able to handle what comes our way.

I wonder if 4 years ago this would have been as normal to us as it is now?I think not.

Time changes us.